What I deal with all the fu*&^% time

Look Ma, I'm a Righter!
Thanks, DMX
By Melanie Sims | Indiana Daily Student | Monday, January 30, 2006
email this writer @ mjsims@indiana.edu


I'm not sure if I should be mad at DMX for saying it, or mad at the white guy who repeated it in my presence. But when I heard "my n*ggas" shouted from behind me as I waited in line outside a Walnut Street bar Saturday night, my first reaction was: "I know a white dude did not just drop the N-bomb."

Needless to say, I ended up in a brief argument with a big-mouthed guy who, even before I could match his voice to his face in the crowd, had repeated "my n*ggas" several times. After identifying and then notifying him of his "madd ignorance," he told me, "Oh come on. It's not even like that. I was listening to DMX earlier today and just thought it was funny."

In more words or less, I told homeboy he should have left that foolishness up to DMX. For the next couple minutes we went back and forth. And as if the scene wasn't close enough to a script from some after-school special, he told me, "I didn't say it racially, I'm repeating a song -- you act like you've never said anything racial."

I don't remember what the drink specials were that night; don't remember who sat at my table or even how long I waited in line before I stepped in the place. But I do, however, remember every second of the conversation I had with the blonde-haired guy in the pink Lacoste shirt.

Since then, I've come to terms with the incident.

The truth is that if white folks read Source, watch BET and keep Kanye on their iPods, then I shouldn't be surprised that they're singing the hook to "Gold Digger," N-bombs and all.

I don't think it's right, but it's real. And after much reflection, I am reconsidering my stance as it concerns black folks' use of the word, whether it's on the mic or even around campus.

My boyfriend's always said that even between black folks, the word reflects hate -- self-hate, in particular. He doesn't buy into the theory that changing the "--er" into an "--a" revolutionizes the terminology.

I agreed with his theory but argued that because the word couldn't possibly be eradicated from the social vocabulary, then attempting to re-define the term seemed more practical.

But after hearing Joey What's-His-Face try to justify his blatant ignorance in line that night, I can no longer accept rationales that include a "do as I say, not as I do" clause.

The truth is, if white folks hear black folks use the N-word, then some number of them will feel justified in using it as well. I don't blame DMX for what I heard outside the club Saturday night, but I do recognize his contribution to perpetuating the word's use.

Despite the fact that the guy outside the club had subtracted the "--er" and added an "--a," the sum of his words amounted to blatant disrespect. And while it's easy to pinpoint his ignorance, I've come to recognize my responsibility, as a black woman, to transform the equation entirely.